Articles > Body Language
Body Language
by David West
Norton Media
Take another example - you are in a restaurant with friends. Your eyes glance around the room and rest momentarily on a member of the opposite sex. His or her eyes meet yours. Both of you glance away. You feel a sense of interest, of excitement even. In fact, your eyes made contact for that little bit longer than normal. What happens next? We sometimes think that all courtships are started by body language! The romantic popular songs would have us believe this! Do you agree? For those of us who are older ... well, memory is a fine thing! For those who are younger ... who knows what increased skill in body language will bring!
Part of its importance is that we can guard our tongues - but not so easily shut off our body language. People are often very reluctant to express what is most important to them. They will frequently not say what is on their minds. It pays to be as sensitive as possible to people's non-verbal clues - their body language. It may help us understand more. Body language is a big subject.
Here are a few pointers that may be of interest.
Time
Keeping someone waiting for a meeting, making a discussion shorter than is appropriate communicates a negative, disrespectful attitude.
Furniture
Barriers, like desks or counters, between ourselves and others present a formal and cold image. They create feelings of apprehension and may make people act more angrily or forcefully than they intended.
Distance
Putting a physical distance between yourself and someone else can convey dislike. Taking a position relatively close to the other person conveys warmth and a positive attitude.
Posture
A persons' posture can convey any number of messages: energy or fatigue, interest or boredom, approval or disgust, anxiety or confidence and so on. Generally, "closed" postures, such as crossed arms and legs or leaning away from a person convey dislike. Leaning forward indicates interest and approval.
Gestures
Both frequency and types of gestures convey attitudes toward the other person. Making frequent gestures (of the right type!) is generally seen as positive. Not making gestures is seen as negative - a bit sinister perhaps. Relaxed, smooth and open-palm gestures are seen as positive while jerking, sudden gestures particularly with a closed fist or the edge of the hand are seen as threatening (even outside the boxing ring!)
Face and Head
Probably the clearest locations of body language are above the neck. In most cultures, nodding the head is positive, expressing interest and support. Shaking the head, again in most cultures, is negative. Lowering the head, peering over your glasses, and cocking the head to one side usually indicate scepticism or suspicion. The frequency of facial movements increases when people are trying to be persuasive. It seems, also, that different parts of the face give clues to different emotions. For example, fear is clearest in the eyes and anger in the lower face, brows and forehead.
Eyes
Eye contact generally indicates a desire for communication and projects friendliness. Lack of eye contact may indicate dislike or lack of interest (in some cultures, however, it is a sign of respect!). Eyes, flicking around almost randomly, tend to indicate anxiety or a desire to get away. Constantly looking at your watch when someone is talking to you seems an obvious, if rather impolite, way of expressing acute boredom.
Hands or feet
Watch people's hands and feet. People may successfully control their faces, and appear calm and self-controlled - unaware that they are betrayed by a foot tapping restlessly, with a life of its own. Restlessness and boredom is often revealed by frequent shifting of leg positions. Doodling, playing with a pen or body grooming movements are fairly sure signs of inattention.
Silence
Oddly enough, silence is a form of communication and a prolonged silence can speak volumes. Silence when someone expects you to speak, often expresses disagreement - in fact quite strongly. Near silence can also demonstrate interest and show concern, with those small, apparently meaningless sounds we make like "Mmm" and "Ahh", accompanied by nods of the head. It often encourages the other person to continue talking. You will see TV interviewers using this technique.
Voice
Voice carries meaning - and not only in the words we use. For example, speaking loudly and rapidly can indicate anger or a lack of interest in the other person's views. It can also indicate that the speaker has run out of logical support for his or her views. Boredom is frequently indicated by lower volume, low pitch, and slow rate of speaking with little intonation; fear and excitement by broken speech patterns and irregular pauses for breath.
Be careful
Despite the importance of such non-verbal communication, there is no precise vocabulary of gestures, with specific meanings for each. All body language must be interpreted in reference to the situation, the context, and the culture of the people involved - and there can be wide variations.